Detective McSpanky undercover again at a kitteh brothel down by the docks. The wire is hidden in a place where wires should never, ever go. He’s a pro- but there better fucking be a bottle of Jameson on his desk tomorrow, shitbirds.
“So I go to the VFW and there’s a new goddamned Union-funded mural about goddamned retarded Union workers on the goddamned docks. They are calling it ‘Angels on The Port Of Baltimore.’ You believe that? With fucking rainbows and shit, too. Those cocksucker shitbirds know I go there every week, and they’re trying to fuck with me again. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to get BALTIMORE POLICE DEPARTMENT stenciled outside their meet spot, and I’m gonna get BPD stationed outside of that crazy shithole bar they all drink at every night. You know, the place with the goddamned ducks? Sobriety tests nightly for each of those shitbirds until they are miserable and sober and want to fucking kill themselves.” -Major Spankislaus Spankchek
Detective McNutkins paused and waited for the Sergeant’s reaction. Maybe he didn’t hear what he said… Spanksman sometimes purposely chewed really loud to tune him out.
“Did you hear me, Sarge? I juked the homicide files, and maybe faked a few crime scenes… thing is, that’s how we’ll keep the wires up! If you just give me some more ti-“
“JESUS H CHRIST MARY MOTHER AND JOSEPH I’M NOT DEAF, SHITBIRD! You better be pulling my leg right now, Detective. Or so help me god, I’m about to put you on some scarecrow watch in the boonies while I blow the Deputy Commish until he finally fires your narrow Irish ass, you fucking nightmare pain in my scrotes!” - Squad Sergeant Spanksman
Happy V-day, shitbirds! xo Spanky & Nutkins
