kitteh citteh

stone killa tails from the gritteh citteh, ya feel meh? (AKA cats + "The Wire")

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“Oh hey, baby, hey. What? Who looks high? For real? C’mon… you’re messin’, haha. No seriously, baby, listen- I’m not the fiender in this family, you know that. I’m not gonna rat on other folks, I can only speak for myself, so no, hell no,  I’m not high. I’m just relaxed and chilling on the roof in the rain and eating some stars and it’s all good. Ignore that guy there behind me, he just likes to sleep a lot, he’s harmless. What…? Who’s a hat?” - Spanky

“Oh hey, baby, hey. What? Who looks high? For real? C’mon… you’re messin’, haha. No seriously, baby, listen- I’m not the fiender in this family, you know that. I’m not gonna rat on other folks, I can only speak for myself, so no, hell no,  I’m not high. I’m just relaxed and chilling on the roof in the rain and eating some stars and it’s all good. Ignore that guy there behind me, he just likes to sleep a lot, he’s harmless. What…? Who’s a hat?” - Spanky

“We’re gonna make this case federal, and yes, we’re gonna work with the district attorney’s office, and those cock-blocking assholes over at Deputy Opps can eat a dick. Those motherfuckers are always gonna hem and haw and be up in our shit, the fuck should I care about all their priorities? They don’t get to win- we get to win.” -Detective McNutkins

“We’re gonna make this case federal, and yes, we’re gonna work with the district attorney’s office, and those cock-blocking assholes over at Deputy Opps can eat a dick. Those motherfuckers are always gonna hem and haw and be up in our shit, the fuck should I care about all their priorities? They don’t get to win- we get to win.” -Detective McNutkins

Nutkins had to keep himself in check. This was Spanky’s girl, and he was supposed to be keeping an eye on her while Spanky did time for the family in Jessup. He had to be cool, stay loyal to his brother. As fine as she was, he knew he couldn’t go there.

Nutkins had to keep himself in check. This was Spanky’s girl, and he was supposed to be keeping an eye on her while Spanky did time for the family in Jessup. He had to be cool, stay loyal to his brother. As fine as she was, he knew he couldn’t go there.

Spanky the Elder took Young Nutkins to buy some night-vision goggles in Fells Point, thinking they’d get some good late night hustlin’ help with them on. Spanky was all “Yo, keep these on, and keep a lookout for any po-po.” And Nutkins was all “YO! EVERYTHING IS GREEN.” Then Spanky went, “That’s the goggles, son, now just make sure you’ll still be able to keep your red tops and yellow tops apart, don’t get confused by the colors and make sure that’s real cash money they handin’ you, you feel meh?” And Nutkins was like, “You look like a zombie! YO! Do we look like zombies?? “ And then Spanky just sighed and shook his head. “Fuck this.”

Spanky the Elder took Young Nutkins to buy some night-vision goggles in Fells Point, thinking they’d get some good late night hustlin’ help with them on.

Spanky was all “Yo, keep these on, and keep a lookout for any po-po.”

And Nutkins was all “YO! EVERYTHING IS GREEN.”

Then Spanky went, “That’s the goggles, son, now just make sure you’ll still be able to keep your red tops and yellow tops apart, don’t get confused by the colors and make sure that’s real cash money they handin’ you, you feel meh?”

And Nutkins was like, “You look like a zombie! YO! Do we look like zombies?? “

And then Spanky just sighed and shook his head. “Fuck this.”

At first, Spanky found himself playing the reluctant father figure to the baby squeaker his partner adopted. He told Nutkins that a baby wasn’t the way to repair their relationship, and besides- he was too busy trying to be good PO-lice and had no time for a fuckin kid. But then there he was, suddenly mushy like a motherfucker, getting attached to the little beast. And before he knew it, he was singing Irma Thomas lullabies and telling bedtime stories. “G’nite moon… g’nite corner boys… g’nite Ol’ Bay…g’nite shitbirds…”

At first, Spanky found himself playing the reluctant father figure to the baby squeaker his partner adopted. He told Nutkins that a baby wasn’t the way to repair their relationship, and besides- he was too busy trying to be good PO-lice and had no time for a fuckin kid. But then there he was, suddenly mushy like a motherfucker, getting attached to the little beast. And before he knew it, he was singing Irma Thomas lullabies and telling bedtime stories. “G’nite moon… g’nite corner boys… g’nite Ol’ Bay…g’nite shitbirds…”

After nearly gettin’ got in a drive-by hit, Nutkins focused on keeping an iron grip on his crew and his corners, to help quell any lingering doubts about his leadership. He thought all was going well until he found a wiretap in his own home office. Did the po-po plant it? Someone from the Spanky crew? And then it hit him like a thousand cold needles to his nuts- maybe it was that errant fuckin’ nephew of his who was behind it all. The drive-by, the wire… motherfucker! His nephew was making a power play to undermine his authoriteh. 

After nearly gettin’ got in a drive-by hit, Nutkins focused on keeping an iron grip on his crew and his corners, to help quell any lingering doubts about his leadership. He thought all was going well until he found a wiretap in his own home office. Did the po-po plant it? Someone from the Spanky crew? And then it hit him like a thousand cold needles to his nuts- maybe it was that errant fuckin’ nephew of his who was behind it all. The drive-by, the wire… motherfucker! His nephew was making a power play to undermine his authoriteh. 

“If Spanky wants access to the Greek, who is my connect, you tell him it’s 250 large for the first month. Consider it an activation fee, you feel meh? Until then, tell him to get on his burner and set up a meet with me DI-RECT, and not send some baby hoppers over to my office, triflin’ with my time, to do his bidding.” - Nutkins

“If Spanky wants access to the Greek, who is my connect, you tell him it’s 250 large for the first month. Consider it an activation fee, you feel meh? Until then, tell him to get on his burner and set up a meet with me DI-RECT, and not send some baby hoppers over to my office, triflin’ with my time, to do his bidding.” - Nutkins

“After all I’ve done for this citteh, you want to take me in for questioning??  I ain’t the fuckin corrupt one, officers, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna step aside and let some ignorant, young politico puppet take my place in Citteh Hall! Sheeeeeeeeeeeit- I’m a grown-ass cat! And I’m not going anywhere with no PO-lice, because my shit is clean, my money is clean, my rep is clea- TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MEH!” - State Senator Spanky

“After all I’ve done for this citteh, you want to take me in for questioning??  I ain’t the fuckin corrupt one, officers, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna step aside and let some ignorant, young politico puppet take my place in Citteh Hall! Sheeeeeeeeeeeit- I’m a grown-ass cat! And I’m not going anywhere with no PO-lice, because my shit is clean, my money is clean, my rep is clea- TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MEH!” - State Senator Spanky

“First and foremost, partner, you’re the one that’s hungover, not me. Second- why do I feel like I’m workin this sorry-ass stakeout all on my own? Make yourself useful and trash our piss bottles or something. And last but not fucking least, NO I do not also see a ‘ghost buck,’ whatever in the fuck that is. Can you not party your face off before clocking in, dickhead?” -Detective Spanky

“First and foremost, partner, you’re the one that’s hungover, not me. Second- why do I feel like I’m workin this sorry-ass stakeout all on my own? Make yourself useful and trash our piss bottles or something. And last but not fucking least, NO I do not also see a ‘ghost buck,’ whatever in the fuck that is. Can you not party your face off before clocking in, dickhead?” -Detective Spanky

“I mean for chrissakes, Detective Nutkins… the crime stats are finally down, the fucking Mayor is slowly but surely descending out of my swollen, festering left hemorrhoid, and you wanna make my fucking day by surprising me with the jovial fucking news of finding a John Doe in the harbor? What else? Did you also knock up my wife?” - Deputy Commissioner Spanky

“I mean for chrissakes, Detective Nutkins… the crime stats are finally down, the fucking Mayor is slowly but surely descending out of my swollen, festering left hemorrhoid, and you wanna make my fucking day by surprising me with the jovial fucking news of finding a John Doe in the harbor? What else? Did you also knock up my wife?” - Deputy Commissioner Spanky

After Nutkins saw proof that Spanky had been snitching to the po-po about their crew, even wearing a wire for them, he’d been struggling to just play it cool, and pretend that nothing was wrong. Friend or family, that shit couldn’t be tolerated. So he had Spanky “test” out a box for their larger package runs. He was all, “Yo Spanky, how fuckin big is that box?? Jump in, bet you can’t fit in there.”  And Spanky was all “Haha, OK, I’m gettin’ in, let’s see!” and that’s when Nutkins pulled out his .45 and shot Spanky is the back of his head.

After Nutkins saw proof that Spanky had been snitching to the po-po about their crew, even wearing a wire for them, he’d been struggling to just play it cool, and pretend that nothing was wrong.

Friend or family, that shit couldn’t be tolerated. So he had Spanky “test” out a box for their larger package runs. He was all, “Yo Spanky, how fuckin big is that box?? Jump in, bet you can’t fit in there.”  And Spanky was all “Haha, OK, I’m gettin’ in, let’s see!” and that’s when Nutkins pulled out his .45 and shot Spanky is the back of his head.

Spanky kicked McNutkins out of bed, told him he’d have to sleep on the couch until he got his shit together and proved he was serious about their relationship. That meant no more late nights, or coming home wasted and smelling like perfume and bourbon. McNutkins couldn’t argue- he loved Spanky and knew he’d have to do something to fix the distance that had grown between them.

Spanky kicked McNutkins out of bed, told him he’d have to sleep on the couch until he got his shit together and proved he was serious about their relationship. That meant no more late nights, or coming home wasted and smelling like perfume and bourbon. McNutkins couldn’t argue- he loved Spanky and knew he’d have to do something to fix the distance that had grown between them.

“I can’t crack the Spanky crew’s cackalacky code, Sarge. There’s goddamned numbers, letters, dots all over the place. I’m even fucking trying to read it upside-down, but nope, no dice.” - Det. Nutkins Nutsbylewski

“I can’t crack the Spanky crew’s cackalacky code, Sarge. There’s goddamned numbers, letters, dots all over the place. I’m even fucking trying to read it upside-down, but nope, no dice.” - Det. Nutkins Nutsbylewski

Another undercover bust taking a questionable turn for Detective McSpanky. He did what the Lieutenant asked- he hit up the coke and prostitution ring by the docks, he got everything on tape, all transactions recorded. Back-up was at least 10 minutes away, so he figured- why waste a happy ending?

Another undercover bust taking a questionable turn for Detective McSpanky. He did what the Lieutenant asked- he hit up the coke and prostitution ring by the docks, he got everything on tape, all transactions recorded. Back-up was at least 10 minutes away, so he figured- why waste a happy ending?